Thank Goodness for Grace

Tonight while we listened to Daddy read us a Bible story, we were reminded of God's "never stopping, never giving up, unbreaking, always and forever love"...I'm not always good at this kind of gracious love...but my prayer is that Cameron would grow into a man who desires to imitate this kind of love to others so that souls will be won for Christ in spite of my imperfect way of showing this kind of love.

A funny story that showed Cameron's patient and gracious personality shining through happened tonight:

It's been a busy weekend hanging out with Grandma and Grandad and the three dogs while Mom and Dad get some R and R...Cameron has patiently taken it all in stride....even when I foolishly took him up two flights of stairs diaperless (don't ask why) to give him a bath and quickly placed him in the empty tub so I wouldn't get soaked (if you know what I mean) and I turned the spigot on to quickly discover the shower setting was on- Cameron was sprayed with cold shower water all over his body and just made a confused and fearful face about it without crying and then went on to coo and giggle when I got some warm tub water going....if only I could coo and giggle a little more at the inconsequential things in order to love others well.

Thanks Cam for keeping Daddy and I humble :). We love you SO SO much and we pray that our love for you can closely mirror the never stopping, never giving up, unbreaking, always and forever love that your heavenly father shows you so that we might help you to turn your eyes to him always.

3 Months Old!

Cameron is a growing, happy boy! He is now 13 weeks old and weighs 2 pounds heavier than he did 1 month ago- 12.2 pounds, 25 inches (1.5 inches grown in 1 month). He is such a joy in our lives. Cameron loves skyping with Daddy, especially in the morning when he's sweet as pie and well rested. He also just loves the outdoors. The warm air, trees, and sand relax him so much! Cameron seems to becoming much more alert and aware of his surroundings, frequently turning his head to see the latest action. Cameron also seems to be mesmerized by music. It's sweet to play games with him while we listen to all kinds of fun songs!

Here are some snapshots of the fun we've had:

yes, we were trying on his wonderful hand-me-down snow suit for this Christmas in 90 degree weather- call me cruel ;). The other day we received 3 large bags of hand-me-downs and we are ecstatic!

The brothers seem to get along just fine. Cameron seems to be more aware of Teddy these days.

More and more tummy time

Cameron's first day at the beach (other than in mommy's belly the day before he was born)

Teddy and Cam sharing the Chariot for a jog

a picnic at the park

Thank you Lord for the fun we have been able to enjoy!

Refuge in the Shelter of His Wings

I feel as though I am living a rather unconventional life right now. I am taking up residence in my parents basement, living amongst 4 generations, in the physical sense I am husbandless, and I am just trying to make it all work to nurture Cameron (and Teddy for that matter).

Many days it makes me feel empowered- I have a feeling of accomplishment because of all of the things I have achieved or because Cameron and Teddy seem content. However, this is a feeling of empowerment which excludes my need for God's strength in my life. Often, the very next day my emotions are going in a million different directions and I feel out of control, unaccomplished, disconnected to God, disconnected to Josh, and just plain crummy. I very quickly find myself living for a kingdom I've created. Life is good when Teddy behaves, Cameron doesn't fuss, I can accomplish my tasks, and Josh is available to talk and not too tired to talk. Matthew 5 reminded me this morning that we are blessed even when we are poor in spirit, mourning, meek, hungry....None of this looks like the kingdom I've created.

...But God whispers to me at the strangest of times...yesterday, while I was struggling through my run on the treadmill, I listened to the beautiful harmonies of the Warrior Poetes singing: "Looking ahead, sometimes it's hard, to see through the hills. But at those times, that's when I see you, and know I'm not alone. God you are there, always by my side. And though, at times I don't know how things will go, you will be there. I can push on, knowing deep inside, that you have plans for me." Normally it would be rather hard to raise my hands over my head while running, but I was able to lift my hands up to him and lay all of my burdens before his throne and I felt his literal physical strength upon me. He was carrying me.

This morning Psalm 61 continued to remind me of my need for his strength and shelter:

"Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer. From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe. I long to dwell in your tent forever and take refuge in the shelter of your wings. For you have heard my vows, O God; you have given me the heritage of those who fear your name...."

And Psalm 62:

"My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken...Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge..."

I miss Josh terribly, I want to be a good mommy, I long to know that Cameron will know the Lord in a genuine way, but I cannot be a good mommy or love Josh adequately, or be a vessel to lead Cameron to know our Savior without God's strength and intervention. It won't happen when my kingdom purposes prevail.

Lord, rescue me from myself!